I have the great opportunity of facilitating a Caregiver Support Group meeting and last week I was so saddened at the situation a couple of my friends had found themselves in because they had promised never to put their loved one in a nursing home. The demands of time in caring for their loved one in their home had nearly destroyed their marriage, their jobs, their relationships with the one they were caring for and their life. They were literally drained emotionally and physically.
As I listened to these amazing people describe the sacrifices they had made and the selflessness that had been so humbly hidden I also heard what was not being said....the personal suffering of these loving individuals, all in the name of a promise made years ago, when everyone was healthy both physically and mentally.
Many years ago, I recall making the very same promise to my Nonna, that I would never put her in a nursing home. Her perception of a nursing home was a place that was inhumane, restrictive, stinky and the people there, to her, were not mentally sound. This stigma of nursing homes has been passed on throughout generations. I would like to begin to change that for you.
Prior to coming to work for Freedom Home Health and Hospice, I spent the last year and a half serving residents and their families in a Skilled Nursing Facility (SNF) as Social Services. In Gena terms....I was the mom to about 70 people. I counseled with family and residents. I ensured all social needs were met. I sought solutions in countless scenarios, I giggled, joked, sang, danced, cried and loved these sweet people. I consider them a part of my family. In fact, I spent so much time with them that you would often hear me saying, "Well, at my other house..." when talking about the nursing facility.
I cannot say enough good about the staff I was so blessed to work with. The nurses and aides in a skilled facility work tirelessly to ensure that the residents have a clean, safe and healthy environment to call home. The dietary staff are constantly looking for ways to enhance the dining experience for the residents. Housekeeping....how could they be thanked enough while forever cleaning, scrubbing, laundry..whew. Maintenance, I honestly don't know how one person could know so much about every bit of machinery and chemicals in a SNF to follow the federal guidelines and keep a building running. Activities Director.....have you ever tried to plan and execute a month's worth of daily activities for 70 people all while making sure you have filled out all of the paperwork needed to document who attended those activities for the state?
A little known fact is that SNF's are THE most highly regulated business in the country! So many family members get upset with staff for a number of things that cannot be done in a nursing home that could be done at home. For instance, did you know that extension cords cannot be used in a SNF? It could cause a tripping hazard or even a fire. Fabric wall hangings, such as a beautiful quilt that grandma made, you could hang that on the wall at home but it could not be hung in a SNF unless it has been treated with fire retardant, tagged by maintenance and documented for the state surveyors to see. This list could go on and on.
I would like to invite you all to visit a local facility this Christmas Season. You will be amazed at the atmosphere, the staff and the residents and now, you have a small idea of some of the work that goes into making a SNF a home. Yes, for many, it is their home. And for many, the staff is the ONLY family they have.
I realize that so many of us want to "keep our promise" but when those promises were made, do you think your love one expected you, your marriage, job and life to become so drained and broken? In my experience, a skilled nursing facility, assisted living facilities, adult day care programs, home health and hospice services are all here to assist you in caring for your loved one. When you are at your best, you can give so much more of your time, energy and love. Please let others "Share in the Care" so you can enjoy your loved one.
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