Diary of A Diabetic's Wife: Caregiving

   Over the years of seeing Roger live with diabetes has brought about many feelings from my point of view. One is being the caregiver.
   Years ago I didn't think as much about it but now that we're older and I'm seeing the difference in his health I worry about what the future holds. Is he going to live to a ripe old age without all the complications of diabetes? Is he going to drop dead from a low blood sugar reaction and me not being there to help him? Is he going to go blind? Is he going to have to be on dialysis? Am I going to be a widow at a young age? Are we going to be able to do the things we always dreamed of doing in our retirement?
   When we were young and still having children I had always wanted 4 but the thought continually came to my mind that I didn't want to be left a widow with 4 children if something happened to Roger. So we decided 3 kids was a good number. These types of thoughts plus many more are what goes through the mind of a spouse with diabetes. Are they normal? I'd say yes. I've talked with other spouses who have told me the same things. The worry never ends.
    I guess we just take one day at a time. Nobody knows what God has in store for us. All we can do is have faith that all will be well.
   How do I deal with these feelings?  These thoughts? Well, first of all pray. I pray for patience, understanding, love. I want to be sympathetic to all his ailments.
   Over the years, I learned how to draw up his insulin when he used to have shots. I've learned what I need to do in an emergency with low blood sugars, I've learned the signs of his low blood sugars such as confusion, personality change, his nausea, etc. The only thing I haven't taken the time to learn is his insulin pump. I know it's something I need to learn how to use since I'm his caregiver.

   Needless to say, I am glad I've been blessed with a husband who sincerely cares about his health and does everything he can to try to be healthy. I know he worries what the future holds for him but he's doing everything in his power to prolong the inevitable.

Diary of A Diabetic's Wife by Chris Pyne

This is the first entry into our new bi-weekly feature by Chris Pyne.  Please visit her support group at Diabetes Support Group for Spouses for ongoing dialogue and support.

Roger and I were married 34 years ago. I met my sweetheart when I was 15 years old and I was married to him at the age of 18. I remember when I met him, someone had told me he was a diabetic and so I asked him if he was and he said "no, that's my brother."  Basically, he was in denial. He was diagnosed at the age of 9 with the disease.  All I knew about diabetes at that point was that he had one shot a day.

Chris and Roger Pyne.  Photo courtesy of Shana Gardner, StarLit Photography.

Shortly after we were married I had a very rude awakening to the life of being a spouse of a diabetic. He had come home from work one day and told me how hungry he was. Well, not knowing the significance of his disease, I told him that I would get him something to eat in a little bit. In the meantime he was in the kitchen trying to find something to eat but was having an insulin reaction where his blood sugar bottomed out. Next thing I knew he was on the floor having a seizure. Thus, began my life now with my diabetic husband.

After that experience my life changed. The sleepless nights of awakening every time Roger would wake up to check his blood sugars, worrying every time we went someplace when we hadn't come prepared for an emergency, the continual doctor appointments such as his family doctor, kidney doctor, diabetic doctor, cardiologist etc., worrying that my children would become diabetic, when he would become ill with the flu. It never ended. Diabetes ran our lives.

During our 34 years of marriage I've had to call the paramedics multiple times. He's been hospitalized many times for diabetes related problems. I remember one incident where he had accidentally given himself the wrong insulin. He was in a panic and I went into panic mode with him. I had to help him counteract his insulin mistake by making him eat and eat lots of carbohydrates. He would get so sick of all the food that he would almost vomit it up.  Thus, another trip to the emergency room.  

Many times, I've been awakened out of a dead sleep with a feeling that something was wrong. Roger wouldn't be beside me in bed so I would go find him and he'd be having an insulin reaction where if I hadn't of gotten up he would have had a seizure.  My adrenaline would go from this dead sleep to a rush of panic within seconds. I would get physically sick after the incident was all over. Each time this happened I was so grateful that I had been inspired to wake up and be able to help him.

About 5 years ago Roger got on an insulin pump which has helped him a lot. I've been so proud of him for the way he has done his best to be healthy. His doctors have called him their model patient because he cares so much about trying to keep his diabetes in control.  In spite of taking care of his self,   the disease takes control and begins to wreak havoc on the body. I've been his support through many, many surgeries. Being the worst was watching him go through open heart surgery at the age of 53. Then 6 months later,  back surgery.

Many times I've wished for someone who I could talk to that could relate to what it's like being the spouse.  Someone to share experiences with . I wouldn't trade any of it though because I love my sweetheart and I'm so grateful I can be here to help him. He is my rock and my hero.