Diary of a Diabetic's Wife: Diabetes and Depression

This is  one of several entries by Chris Pyne.  Click on the Diabetic's Wife tab to read all of her posts. Please visit her support group at Diabetes Support Group for Spouses for ongoing dialogue and support.
 

Depression in diabetics is very common. Who wouldn't be depressed when you have to give yourself multiple shots a day, having to check your blood sugar over and over, having to deal with the highs and lows of your blood sugars, and counting carbs every time you put something in your mouth?  People don't realize the amount of time and effort that goes into this disease unless you're either a diabetic, or someone who is in close contact with a diabetic. Like I've said before, diabetes controls your life.

Throughout our married life Roger has experienced many bouts of depression. Many tears have been shed by him and by me. (Depression in me is another diabetic story). The daily stress of managing your diabetes, the resentment and asking yourself , “why did this happen to me?”, and feeling set apart from your friends and family are just precursors for depression.

If you face diabetes, complications such as nerve damage, eye problems, kidney problems, or have trouble keeping your blood sugars in normal range and feeling like you're losing control brings on the frustration of the disease and depression.
Just like denial, depression can get you into a vicious cycle. It gives you the sense of not wanting to take care of yourself. You have times when you just don't care anymore. But then realize how important it is to stay on top of it because of all the repercussions.

Not all people with diabetes have depression but a large percentage do. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. I'd certainly be depressed if I had the disease. I look at Roger and see everything he is doing to help himself. He takes his medication, exercises 5 days a week and I do my part by providing him good, healthy meals. He will always be my hero.

Diary of A Diabetic's Wife by Chris Pyne

This is the first entry into our new bi-weekly feature by Chris Pyne.  Please visit her support group at Diabetes Support Group for Spouses for ongoing dialogue and support.

Roger and I were married 34 years ago. I met my sweetheart when I was 15 years old and I was married to him at the age of 18. I remember when I met him, someone had told me he was a diabetic and so I asked him if he was and he said "no, that's my brother."  Basically, he was in denial. He was diagnosed at the age of 9 with the disease.  All I knew about diabetes at that point was that he had one shot a day.

Chris and Roger Pyne.  Photo courtesy of Shana Gardner, StarLit Photography.

Shortly after we were married I had a very rude awakening to the life of being a spouse of a diabetic. He had come home from work one day and told me how hungry he was. Well, not knowing the significance of his disease, I told him that I would get him something to eat in a little bit. In the meantime he was in the kitchen trying to find something to eat but was having an insulin reaction where his blood sugar bottomed out. Next thing I knew he was on the floor having a seizure. Thus, began my life now with my diabetic husband.

After that experience my life changed. The sleepless nights of awakening every time Roger would wake up to check his blood sugars, worrying every time we went someplace when we hadn't come prepared for an emergency, the continual doctor appointments such as his family doctor, kidney doctor, diabetic doctor, cardiologist etc., worrying that my children would become diabetic, when he would become ill with the flu. It never ended. Diabetes ran our lives.

During our 34 years of marriage I've had to call the paramedics multiple times. He's been hospitalized many times for diabetes related problems. I remember one incident where he had accidentally given himself the wrong insulin. He was in a panic and I went into panic mode with him. I had to help him counteract his insulin mistake by making him eat and eat lots of carbohydrates. He would get so sick of all the food that he would almost vomit it up.  Thus, another trip to the emergency room.  

Many times, I've been awakened out of a dead sleep with a feeling that something was wrong. Roger wouldn't be beside me in bed so I would go find him and he'd be having an insulin reaction where if I hadn't of gotten up he would have had a seizure.  My adrenaline would go from this dead sleep to a rush of panic within seconds. I would get physically sick after the incident was all over. Each time this happened I was so grateful that I had been inspired to wake up and be able to help him.

About 5 years ago Roger got on an insulin pump which has helped him a lot. I've been so proud of him for the way he has done his best to be healthy. His doctors have called him their model patient because he cares so much about trying to keep his diabetes in control.  In spite of taking care of his self,   the disease takes control and begins to wreak havoc on the body. I've been his support through many, many surgeries. Being the worst was watching him go through open heart surgery at the age of 53. Then 6 months later,  back surgery.

Many times I've wished for someone who I could talk to that could relate to what it's like being the spouse.  Someone to share experiences with . I wouldn't trade any of it though because I love my sweetheart and I'm so grateful I can be here to help him. He is my rock and my hero.